The joy of welcoming our child and building a family life together quickly faded with the father’s drastic change. Soon, as I became tired and exhausted from caring for our newborn (breastfeeding, lack of sleep), I realised things would be difficult. The father became jealous, and hurtful words started flying: “You don’t know what you’re doing, you can’t handle it…”

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Frustration and aggression set in. I was constantly belittled, and the father was rarely present. When the three of us were together, it was only hostility (twice, I had to intervene to stop him from taking his anger out on our son).

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After five years, one evening, it wasn’t just words that flew anymore – five punches landed on my face. I don’t know how I managed to get away and remove myself from the violence. I picked up my phone, my first instinct was to take a photo of myself. I didn’t know which number to call for help. Our five-year-old son was there; he went over to his father, and I couldn’t keep him with me. I heard his father saying, “Go ahead, call the police if you want, I’ve got nothing to hide.” He repeated that over and over. Finally, quietly, I pulled myself together and managed to call the police. Our son came back to me and told me he’d helped his dad clean up… Ten minutes later, the police arrived, and the father said, “You’ve messed up again with our son.”

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I left with our child; the police took us to a family member’s house for my son, and the officers escorted me to the hospital for an examination.

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There, a doctor examined me and took a series of photos. A CT scan followed. Diagnosis: broken nose, severely damaged brow arches, and jaw. A minor internal cranial bleed was detected…

Two days later, I filed my complaint…

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The prosecutor heard my case a few weeks later. My ex-husband received a six-month suspended sentence and was required to attend therapy. He went to see the health professional once and then told me that the specialist would be a good fit for me, that he himself didn’t need follow-up.

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My mistake was going back to live with him four weeks after the incident. I had nowhere else to go, no idea how to escape; I was under his influence.

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Eight months later, we finally divorced, on the condition that I agreed to joint custody of our son… Today, it’s been seven years since our divorce, and I’m still subjected to his harassment and complications. It’s endless; he used PAS (parental alienation syndrome) to harm me as much as possible.

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The medical report photos are shocking and speak louder than words; it’s not an ideal memory, but they’re there.

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I am grateful to have recovered without any lasting injuries, but I remain plagued by harassment. This subscription isn’t one you pay for – you endure it.

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It would have been wise to have received professional support to help me face the aftermath of domestic violence, to guide and support me through the process so that I wouldn’t feel so alone. I think that if this had been the case, I would have recovered faster, and my son would have received support too, protecting us from this toxic person.

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Deep down, I know there’s only one solution: to leave and never look back (not easy with one or more children). Reach out to the support structures available…

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File a complaint.

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This domestic violence happened in what is considered a “respectable family” from the canton of Bern.

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April 2023

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