At the time, I was 21… I had dated other people before him, but I had never experienced such an unhealthy and toxic relationship. Some time after our relationship began, once he realised I would be easy to manipulate, he revealed his true self. I lived in constant fear of being hit and abused. I became isolated and was victimised by someone who treated me like an object – belittling me, violating me, hitting me, insulting me, reducing me to a wretched being who could only apologise endlessly for my own existence. His mood swings and jealousy were unpredictable, and when he was in a good mood, he could be the most caring and considerate person in the world.

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For two years, I tried to leave him, but every time, I went back – three, four times, or even more. I was so terrified of being without him that I preferred to live in torment and humiliation. I can’t count the number of times the police knocked on the door, alerted by neighbours due to my cries for help. But I protected him, telling them everything was fine, that it was just an argument. I thought he would change, that he was hurting and didn’t mean it. He was half-demon, half-angel.

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Until the day he hit me in a public place. Not a single person came to my aid. A woman, later on, tried to make contact with me, but he quickly intervened and took me to his car. He hit me again, and I saw blood in my tissue. I managed to escape and hide; I was in shock, and after gathering all my courage, I called my parents. They had no idea I was living in hell – I had hidden it well from everyone around me. I went to the police to file a report, gave my statement, feeling so ashamed. They examined the marks on my face. They told me he had been detained and was also giving his statement. They showed me a chart and explained clearly that I would inevitably return to him, and finally, they told me that our statements were completely contradictory, so the case probably wouldn’t go any further. I left feeling utterly stunned and shaken.

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I was in contact with LAVI, who provided me with much-needed support at that time. I lived in constant fear of running into him, yet at the same time with an overwhelming desire to see him. One day, around a corner, I saw him; he smiled at me and suggested we have a drink. One thing led to another, and he asked me to withdraw the complaint, as it would harm him. I gave in a while later and went back to him. The nightmare began again until the day I had to choose between staying with him or leaving and starting my professional career in a large company. He had forbidden me from taking the job. I chose to leave and try to turn the page. It probably took me more than five years to be able to see him without my heart racing, and one day, I was able to confront him with all my anger. He didn’t understand and blamed me for making him that way. Ten years after I left him, he told me one day that he would “give me a child” someday. I was stunned.

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Looking back, I realise that I did my best at that time, with the resources I had, with my emotional fragility, and with wounds that, even if they have healed today, are still present and have left me deeply traumatised. Filing that complaint at least prevented him from pursuing training to become a police officer, and I truly hope it has stopped him from subjecting anyone else to the same torment.

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Février 2022

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