Our feelings never lie, and they are always valid. Our feelings belong to us, and no one has the right to judge them! If you feel uncomfortable around someone, if someone manages to unsettle you, if you feel any unease, that is your right, and you are absolutely justified!

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That’s what these past six years have taught me. I’ve come out stronger and have no regrets.

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Let me introduce myself: Vince, teacher. About ten years ago, a new team of colleagues was formed. At the time, I didn’t have the maturity to decode the dynamic that was sneakily taking shape. But I sensed something was off. Gradually, there were more and more criticisms directed at different colleagues. This person had a definite need for control, a control that was established through numerous acts of submission – each just subtle enough not to be noticed.

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We all fell into the trap because this particular teacher valued rigour, punctuality, and fairness. Rigour is a good thing, right? I ended up blaming myself for not doing enough and gradually entered into this game. This colleague wasn’t even our supervisor, yet there was always a sword of Damocles hanging over my head. What would he say if I wasn’t early enough? Did I remember to turn off the lights, meet my detention quota?

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The subtle criticisms at the start became more intense. They weren’t about actions anymore but targeted individuals. Criticism turned into manipulation. Dialogue was no longer possible. I eventually got used to the situation. Some experiences were deeply traumatising.

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This went on for about six years! Looking back, I can’t believe I tolerated it for so long.

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Gradually, I became aware of what was happening, and I learned to observe it. I tolerated it and distanced myself emotionally. This helped reduce my suffering but didn’t stop the harassment. Until one day, I had to say STOP!!!

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I didn’t file a criminal complaint. I contacted the conflict management office in my canton, where I was lucky enough to meet a highly competent and supportive confidante. I’m only a few weeks into this decision. It’s been a tsunami, and we’re in the middle of a storm, but I feel calm. I feel so much lighter. I feel like I’m living again. I have no regrets about deciding to seek help.

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Please, in any situation, if you feel stress, pressure, harassment, act on it!

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There are multiple ways to respond: find the strength to stand up for yourself, distance yourself (physically too), or seek help… You’ll find guidance, relief, and the situation will improve significantly! I wish you this outcome, and you all deserve it…

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P.S. As I’m just beginning this process, I plan to write a follow-up to this episode…

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March 2022

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