The weight of silence
- victimepasseule
- Sep 15, 2024
- 2 min read
Updated: Nov 20, 2024
An open letter
To you, society, parents, friends, colleagues, loved ones,
The violence endured by so many people goes beyond physical blows, destructive words, or sexual abuse. It often extends, in subtle ways, through the silence of those around us – through your discomfort, your doubts, your questioning of us, the victims, who finally dare to speak up.
“I can’t believe it!” “Maybe you misinterpreted what happened?” “You need to move on and forget!” These words, all too common, are a form of violence in themselves, a violence with a name: secondary victimisation. With these words, you shake our courage and strengthen the power of those who harm us. You add pain upon pain – the pain of the blows, the abuse, the manipulation. You force upon us a terrible question: is it worth it to speak out?
Yes, speaking out is an arduous path. A double penalty. We must not only survive the violence itself but also endure sceptical looks, accusatory questions, a long and gruelling process. So, we don’t know what to do. We hesitate. We wonder if we’ll make it. If it’s worth the fight when even our loved ones seem to doubt us.
Friends, colleagues, parents, brothers, sisters – sometimes, in your desire for comfort, you prefer to deny the truth. Because it’s easier to believe the world is orderly and that people are who they claim to be. That the violence and abuse we tell you about are just exaggerations, misunderstandings, or bad dreams.
But this ease is the burden you place upon victims. Every time you doubt, every time you look away or question our experience, you leave us alone with our suffering.
Society, friends, loved ones, we have a duty to stand by victims – not with questions that cast doubt, but with acts of support. Don’t look away. Listen. Believe. Act. Don’t wait until the suffering becomes too great, until the situation becomes irreversible. Be a voice of courage, not a roadblock. Only by taking a stand can we hope to end violence. It’s time for fear and shame to change sides.
Chloé, former victim of sexual violence, creator of the website www.victimepasseule.ch
